I’m about to get super personal on this one, but I know I’m not the only one dealing with stuff like this..

So, here goes..

My parents split right after I was born, they didn’t leave on the best terms, but mom always encouraged us to have a relationship with our father and his family. My “father” was an alcoholic, had a drug problem, and was abusive. I always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt when he would act out, I would just tell myself “this isn’t the real him, he is just acting this way because of the drugs/alcohol.” Growing up I used to be so jealous of the other little girls with their dad’s, I wanted that father-daughter relationship, to be a “daddy’s girl” but I never had it.. I grew up thinking I was the problem, I always asked myself why I wasn’t good enough for him to just love me.

It wasn’t until I was 15 years old, we went to my grandmother’s (his mom’s) for Christmas, like we had since we were kids, but an argument started and it got way out of hand. I then told myself I would no longer put myself in that sort of situation again, I was done giving him the benefit of the doubt, I was tired of thinking I was the problem! That night on the way home, I finally realized after all these years, it had NOTHING to do with me! I was NOT the problem, he was so miserable in his life he had to find some “escape” from reality, he was the problem and it was not anything I could fix, he would have to. It will be 5 years since that night this year, it’s been very difficult trying to find a way to forgive him.

How could I possibly forgive someone who isn’t sorry?

What if I do forgive him and this happens again?

What if my daughter witnesses him act like that?

My brother and sister have a relationship with him, so I would still have to be around him at my nephew’s births, burthdays, and christmas. I found the best way to handle the situation was to just keep my distance, I would be civil for their sake, but that was as far as it would go. Over this past year me and my sister have developed a relationship, we have talked about everything and weather or not I would allow him to be “grandpa” to my daughter. My husband and I have both discussed that if he was to reach out to me and ask, I would give him the chance to atleast try to be a better grandfather than he was a dad..

Alot has happened over the past 3 years, he has a girlfriend now who is keeping him straight. My sister tells me they’re happy together and that he has changed since being with her. Of course I am sceptical, I know he knows how to fool people. I decided to just sit back and watch him at the events I did see him, I wanted to see how he reacted to situations and people, I can definitely tell he has came a LONG way from when I was a kid, but I don’t think he is completely there yet.

Last year at Christmas him and his girlfriend got my daughter something, which is super surprising because growing up he never bought us anything his mom would and put his name on it. I saw the joy in his face when he seen her open the gift and she wanted to play with the baby doll he got her. This made me really start thinking “he is actually growing up”.

Earlier this year I got a call from my brother telling me I was going to be a big sister (I’m the youngest of us 3) I seriously thought it was some sort of joke, but it wasn’t, I am in fact a big sister to not just one but TWO babies that will be here next month! All I could tell him was that I hope he is a better dad to them than he was us. I kept saying that I would never be able to have a relationship with my little brother and sister because he wasn’t in my life. Ever since then, I have grown in my relationship with God and he has revealed alot to me, including that I never really forgave him. As I grow closer to God and continue trusting him in my whole life, but particularly this situation, my eyes have really been opened!

I didn’t really realize until one night I was talking to my sister that I was waiting on him to apologize, I wanted him to tell me how sorry he was for the way we grew up. I know now that I don’t need that apology, I don’t need him to tell me sorry. It wouldn’t happen anyways, he has told himself none of it ever happened, it was all my mom’s fault that he didn’t have a relationship with us. At first I didn’t really know how to react, I couldn’t understand how someone could lie to themselves enough that they don’t know the truth.

I got a call from my sister tonight, she had just talked to him on the phone, and he asked her for my number. She wanted to get my ok before she gave it to him. THIS is what I had been praying for, he was trying to reach out to me. I have said for I don’t know how long know that if it’s God’s will for it to happen it will.

I am going to talk to him face-to-face on Thanksgiving and see where he is coming from and set boundaries. My daughter is 2 years old, she doesn’t know who this man is, and she is going to have to slowly get used to him. I am really hoping things will stay civil and he understands where I’m coming from. I hope this is the beginning of some sort of relationship between the two of us. It’s too late for him to be my “dad” now, but he still has time to be “grandpa” to his granddaughter and be apart of her life growing up. Hopefully everything can stay civil enough that I will be able to be a part of my bother and sister’s lives, see them grow up and be a positive influence on them.

The reason I am sharing the thing that shaped my life the most with you is because I know out there somewhere, there is a little girl crying because her dad doesn’t love her and isn’t in her life. I know someone can relate to my story even if it isn’t with their father, but someone else close to them. Don’t give up! I never thought the day would come that I would even consider letting him hurt me again. I always said he would never be apart of my life or my children’s, I didn’t want them to grow up the way I did, I didn’t want him to let them down the way he always did me. People change, they grow up and realize their mistakes and try to fix them. Give them that chance!

You are all the time hearing about depression and anxiety in today’s world, but most people don’t really understand just how much it can affect you!

Depression is not being sad all the time or isolating yourself from others, it’s not feeling like you’re good enough for anybody/anything, it’s not having the energy to get up and function properly, it’s neglecting your own self care or housework.

Anxiety is your brain telling you that no one likes you, it’s lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling because you can’t get your mind to “be quiet”. You are all the time second guessing yourself or your actions because you don’t ever feel like you can do or say anything right.

I don’t think you really understand the severity of this disease unless you live with it. My husband has always tried to be supportive and comfort me when I have my “episodes” that are really bad, but he just doesn’t get it. Everyone has their different ways of coping with it, like I personally chew the inside of my lip or peel the skin around my fingernails, even occasionally I chew my nails.

If you don’t have anxiety or depression but know someone who does, try your best to be there for them, and help them through the pain. They’re fighting a battle against theirselves. Don’t tell them everything is ok, or to just stop, because believe me, we wish we could, we just can’t!

If you suffer with this illness please don’t keep it to yourself!! You’re not alone, talk to your dr and see about getting some kind of help with it. Reach out to a friend or family member, just please talk to someone about it!

You are loved, you are important, and you do matter! 😊

I feel women have so many standards to live up to in today’s society. We are ALWAYS seeing these women in magazines and movie stars with their perfect bodies and clear skin with such beautiful hair that seems to never be messed up. The reality of all this is these expectations we put on ourselves are nearly impossible to accomplish.

Young girls go through some pretty extreme measures to try and look like the people we see on t.v or in magazines. Either by anorexia or drugs sometimes more. Most of the time their parents have no idea what is going on or that their daughter needs help. They don’t know she is slowly killing herself behind closed doors.

We have got to put a stop to the stereotypical ways a woman is supposed to look, dress, act, etc.  We have to teach our daughters, sisters, nieces, cousins that it is perfectly fine to be themselves! That they’re perfect even if they don’t look like the girl on the front of their favorite magazine. That it’s okay to be different. They’ve got to know to express yourself the way you are, don’t try to be somebody you’re not to fit in or try and make someone like you.

Everyone is different and unique in their own special ways and we should embrace this. We should show the world the real us, not the front we’ve always put on. It’s time to make a change in the way we see women! We are not some “damsel in distress” that always needs to be rescued, we are strong independent women, we are warriors! When we finally start seeing ourselves this way and gaining confidence in ourselves, the world will too!

So, make today the day you stop living for the world and start living for you!

In modern society drugs are becoming more and more popular. We all know someone or have been someone who has loved a person struggling with drug addiction. It’s not easy watching someone you love choose that type of life for themselves and it’s even harder trying to help them when they don’t want it or think they don’t need it. What these people fail to realize is while they’re out here getting high they are affecting a lot more people than just themselves.

I have seen drugs completely destroy families, either by losing someone to an overdose or having to cut ties completely, not because they wanted to but because that person couldn’t handle that heart ache anymore, they couldn’t continue to watch someone they hold so dear turn into a complete monster. They couldn’t continue to lay awake at night just waiting for the phone call telling them that person has been found dead or is being rushed to the hospital.

It’s both physically and emotionally exhausting trying to help someone who doesn’t want it. You can try rehab, moving, isolation, or whatever else you can think of to try and help them get clean, but the harsh reality of it all is you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help; you can’t make someone stop unless they have decided they are ready to. You can’t love them sober..

Addicts are untrustworthy and unpredictable, but they’re people too! They deserve the same love as anyone else, in fact they might need more love! They need to know someone is there and someone cares. I’m not saying to go and just use all your energy, money, and sanity trying to help someone, but maybe try talking to them, try helping them see how much better and happier sober life is. Help them find the right program or rehab to get them clean. Addicts are not bad people, you may discover that when that person is sober they are the kindest person you’ve ever met!

If you or someone you know is wanting sobriety but don’t know where to start call the “Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration” national hotline at

1-800-662-HELP (4357)  or visit  https://www.samhsa.gov/

“SAMHSA’s National Helpline, is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.” Continue reading “Can’t love you sober” →

If you’re with a first responder, you know all to well that feeling you get when you here the tones come across the radio.

You immediately start worrying before they ever leave the house. Your heart begins to race and you sit up waiting, praying for them to walk back through that door safe. You have all these thoughts run through your head and all the “what ifs” begin.

That nice family dinner was just ruined because daddy had to go where he’s needed and help others. The children don’t always understand why, but as soon as they hear that sound come from the radio, they know daddy is needed and has to go. You try to remain calm and act fine for the kids, you try not to let them see the fear and worry, because you don’t want them to worry or know that at any moment you could get that call…

You’re proud to call that man your husband and you’re proud that they are so selfless to give their time to help others! You’re also worried about their safety, you never know what kind of scene they’re about to pull up on.

I would like to send a personal Thank you to every first responder that put their lives on the line for us everyday! You’re appreciated and your hard work does not go unnoticed! Thank you for protecting, healing, and comforting complete strangers, for being there in some of the worse times in a persons life. To the firefighters who try their hardest to save that burning house, but can’t, and the ones who go in a burning house to rescue and make sure no one is still inside. To the Police officers that keep the criminals from getting to your family, sitting with that innocent child until CPS shows up because their parents are on drugs and just got arrested. To the paramedics that rush to the scene to help patients who are having a heart attack or to that car wreck where that drunk driver just ran into that mom with all 3 of her children in the car. You guys do so much more than you realize!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton